To a Halt

For the moment a lot of stuff I've been working on has ground to a halt largely due to the fact that I'm very close to moving.  With a little luck I should be able to get the keys today from the property manager and then I can start moving my stuff in.  I don't intend to get it all moved in immediately, it's going to be a few days at least before its all good to go.
With that said I do feel bad that I've not actually written anything as far as creative writing goes and even for the last few days neglected the blog.  I'm at a stance where I feel that everyday I should be doing one or the other.  With the recent lack of writing on my part I've let a lot of time pass with no action in the Gaia writing group I'm part of and as a Moderator of the group I'm beginning to feel like, at the moment, I'm mostly just there for the title, which is not the actual case.
Re-prioritizing my life after the move is going to be the first thing that I do and none to soon, I really want to look at redirecting myself back into creative practices, that's where I've always excelled and the more I push myself in that regard I find the more I am able to expand on what I do at work and in other areas of my life.  I'm also very intent on getting my little guy to open up creatively as well, I've noticed sparks in him here and there with his imagination and I want him to let that out.  He's already shown that he's above where he needs to be for reading, now I want him to start taking steps in other directions, find things that he really loves doing and then let that aspect run wild.

Not much of an update I know, that's how it is at this point, just keeping lines out here and there so that the world doesn't think that I've dematerialized.

Peace,

ClX

The changes so far

At this point I'm still working on the changes for the blog.  As you can see the title of the blog has changed as well as the background.
With the background I'm still not totally happy, I feel it's closer to what I want but that its still not there yet so I'm still going to be working on it and along with that the rest of the windows as I'm unsure how I want them to look in the end.
I'm very happy with the title it has several meanings, it can be taken literally...my life In words...meaning my life as I write it.  It can be taken as...my life In words...meaning my life inside the words I write (oh yea that's deep).  It can also be taken as...my life In words...meaning my inward journey through writing (even deeper, oh yea).  Multiple meanings all interconnected and holistic in the end, I like it.

Speaking of Holistic I've started reading the second Dirk Gently novel from Douglas Adams and currently I'm on the fence about it.  I'm only 5 chapters in so still not very deep into it, though its not a long book so 5 chapters really is more significant than it seems.  I loved the first book 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency' was very clever and interesting and very enjoyable.  This one I'm not so sure about.  I'll continue reading it and have no doubt that I'll finish it, that's not the problem its not unreadable at all.  I think what the difference is here is that in this one Dirk is his own character, he is the focus character and you get his internal dialogue and thoughts, something that was missing from the last one, he was not the lead character though he was the character that did all the leading in the end he was primarily the guy who did all the solving but you never learned anything deeper about him other than what the main characters knew about him before he named himself Dirk Gently.
I want to like this book more than I do at this point but maybe as I get deeper into the book I'll change my mind about it.

Something I find I'm starting to pick up while working on this blog is CSS script.  With the use of Firebug I'm becoming more and more used to looking at and deciphering CSS Script.  I knew HTML pretty good back in highschool and used it to design web pages on various sites and though HTML is still practical to a small degree it's becoming less and less advantageous though still usefull simply by the fact that it helps you work out some of what you are seeing when you look at CSS code that blogger/blog spot templates use.  Nothing wrong with picking up a new language, a new computer language...lol...hrm I may have to get that looked into.

Peace,

ClX

Blog Re-imagined

I've been doing a little thinking over the last couple of days, aside from the revamp look of my blog, which may change even further depending on how I feel about what I'm thinking, but a good blog should have a running theme or at least an overall idea linking it together.
Currently my blog is a random series of thoughts and stores with no real theme running behind the background other than my life, which is actually a pretty broad topic.  It does work for some people but they focus on distilling a certain aspect out of it all, like Angry John Seller (link on the side) puts up interesting and sometimes random stuff but in the end he still has something to be angry about.

I've decided I need to distill my blog down to something further, something smaller than just my life but not so small that it runs out of steam and interest, doesn't mean there won't still be chance encounters of random life topics or aspect incorporated into it sometimes and I have no intention or re-restarting by blog, I'll just alter and re-imagine (the new trendster word for redo or remake) from here forward.
I have the rest of today off so I'll see what if I like the changes and alterations that I come up with enough to put them into effect.  If not then I guess the blog stays as is and that's that.

Peace,

ClX

The Occult

I've discovered I'm an occult fanatic.  Not fanatic in that I spend my every waking hour and minute digging up information and memorizing it, more along the lines of I'm a big sucker for it.  Now don't get me wrong I don't call those phone psychics and ask them about my future, most of them have phony accents anyway, I'm talking more along the lines of a large part of the material that I read.
Two of the main comics (or graphic novels for you mainstreamers) that I read are Hellboy and Hellblazer.  Now aside from the names which indicate devil worship (I'm on to you Church of Latter Day Saints) there is a lot of occult and magic involved in them.  This is also something that is present in a lot of the novels that I read which circle around sci-fi and fantasy.  I've also been getting into more real world applications of occult like Astral Projection and Remote Viewing.

Why does this interest me?
I think its the mystery of the unknown, the fact that you are unsure of what will be there when you get to the other side of what you're looking at.  There is so much we really don't know about our world and the universe that these are steps that show us that its not all about just getting up everyday and going to work, there are larger forces at work that we can tap into and take a ride on.
Some of these things can't be denied.  The writings in Hellblazer and Hellboy have basis on current research and on past legends, stories that have been handed down for generations and generations, stories that shaped our ancestors back to the early days of the earth.  If stories have held since then, obviously taking new shapes with each generation that gets it, there has to be something we find magical in the story to keep it going, there has to be something other worldly in order to want us to tell it to someone else.
The legends of old are mostly shaped out of 'misunderstanding'.  An old woman might have been a base psychic and finds she is able to help people with her abilities by giving them advice.  She becomes labelled a witch but through generations of stories she is given a name and becomes the Baba Yaga.  That's how these things work.  Misunderstandings of the past create the reasong to research other worldly powers for future generations, to corroborate or disprove these things.

As it goes we're finding more and more that there are deep truths to these 'strange' stories and that people really are far more powerful, within themselves, than has ever been realized before.

Peace,

ClX

Matters of Interest

The last few days have been something of an interest.
First I got a chance to watch the other 2 movies that I had picked up the other day, School of Rock doesn't count cause I've seen it before and knew it was good.  Forbidden Kingdom and Appaloosa.
Both were a let down.  Forbidden Kingdom I had expectations for going into it since it had Jackie Chan and Jet Li, I was very very disappointed in the overall movie and what it turned out to be.  Too much was trying to be accomplished and it never really got off the ground and got me involved in it.
Appaloosa I was led to believe, by the back cover, that it was a good ol' gun fighting movie, like the Sharon Stone version of Quick and the Dead (fantastic movie!), I was wrong on a number of different levels.  The only really cool character in the movie was the sidekick played by Viggo Mortenson (spelled wrong I'm sure).  Renee Zellwegger was a pain in the ass and a total distraction that you could see coming a mile away, useless on every level.  Ed Harris played his part well when Renee Z wasn't around.  The other bit characters were good and I liked Jeremy Irons as the bad guy, they didn't let the stand off between Ed Harris and Jeremy Irons develop far enough and the ending was about as anti-climactic as a movie can get.  It had a few food spots but it wasn't a bullet driven western, or even a story driven western.

I've been asked to design a logo for a fish company on the East Coast.  It was something that came up this afternoon at work, one of the guys I work with is leaving to go back to a position in the offices of a new fishery company out on the East Coast and was trying to design a logo in Word.  After he found out I had Photoshop experience he asked me to come up with something and if the company likes it he'll see if I can get paid for it.
I'm not expecting anything, it does give me an excuse to really get into the workings of Gimp.  I've sworn off Photoshop since its a gigantic system hog.

Lastly I've done some developing of a character I founded a little while ago and stuck into a script I wrote for the April Script Frenzy challenge.  I finished the script, was only happy with the last half of it.  I'd been rolling around how to edit it and tighten it up immensely and I think I have the idea for it.  If it looks like its going to work out well then I might be able to look at turning it into a comic book, which is would no end of cool, in my opinion.

S'all for now.

Peace,

ClX

Surprisingly Good

Yesterday, in my crap mood I made several purchases.  I was smart about it and I am well aware that you can't buy yourself out of a bad mood, I wanted to do something for myself though.  Spend a few dollars on myself just because.
Went to Wally World and dug through their cheap bin, 2 for $10, picked up School of Rock which I thought was a fun movie with some good music and Wrestlemanica.  I'd never seen or heard of Wrestlemanica I mostly bought it on the fact that it promised to be a campy/cult horror movie and that it had a name I recognized, Rey Mysterio (not to be confused with Rey Mysterio Jr of the WWE which, should, he RM's son).
Wrestlemanica was surprisingly good.  It had a good mix of humor, interesting characters and story.  The villian was very well portrayed and the ending was funny in a good horror movie kind of way.  I found it far better than most of the stuff that has come out in mainstream Horror and would highly recommend it to anyone who likes a decent horror movie.  There are some extras that I've not checked out but that I will soon enough.
Aside from Wally World I dropped into Blockbuster and picked up 3 movies for the price of 2, I went with the 6.99 price range, a good selection but not over priced, the 6.99 to me is the premiere range for a good movie at Blockbuster.
Grabbed up Zach & Miri Make a Porno, Forbidden Kingdom and Apalooza.  Have been wanting to see Forbidden Kingdom and Apalooza was my freebie, haven't watched either of them yet but will probably do so tonight.
I did watch Zach & Miri and really enjoyed it.  Another Kevin Smith movie, this time with Seth Rogan but still including Jason Mewes though not in his usual Jay role.  Some good dirty humor along the lines of Superbad and 40 Year Old Virgin, a love story (which is something I don't normally go in for but it was interesting in this movie) and a pretty good cast of characters which is what really made the movie.  Each actor really made their own out of the characters they played, I really liked Jason Mewes who played someone quite removed from Jay and Seth Rogan did a good job doing what he does best the funny, akward real world sorta schmoe kinda guy.  Elizabeth Banks was very likeable as Miri and did an excellent job in contrast to Seth who is a very solid screen worker.

Fuck I'm gushing about these movies, that's not right.  Shouldn't do that anymore.  Mental note, no more gusing that's for the women and their Oprah movies.

Anything else....I like the library's Graphic Novel selection but that's another post for another day.

I'm out.

Peace,

ClX

Fucking Life Rant

I'm just writing this as it comes along cause I'm tired of being pissed about shit that I can't control anymore and that I don't understand.  It's a fucking weight on my back and I'm sick of it.  I'm not stopping to think cause if I stop to think then I'll realize that I probably shouldn't be doing this and that it's going to cause a whole lot of fuck problems but I don't care right now.  This blog isn't a place for me to get moddy and fucked up about things but this needs to be done cause I just lay awake at night and think about it all but don't say anything and its causing too many problems, I don't feel like myself and I don't feel like I should and my creativity is dead because of it, so I need to say it and just get it done so I can be myself again.

I'm pissed off, I'm really fucking pissed off at my wife, or my ex-wife, or whatever the hell she is anymore cause i don't know.  I thought she was someone but she's not the someone that I knew and not the someone that I thought was important.  This is fucking sick, just a giant pile of shit that I don't understand, and I've tried to understand but i don't and its fucking wrong.  You don't go and marry someone and then go and start fucking some other guy cause he ran away from you when you were fucking 12.  You don't go and fuck up your marriage and do that kinda shit to someone who was bending over backwards and who cared.  You don't fucking lie about it for a goddam year and then turn around and take pictures of it and leave it wide open on the computer to be fucking found, you don't do that shit.  You don't make yourself feel better by joking that you're cheating and making it into a fucking game.
Fuck it all I don't think it meant shit anyway, I don't think that it even mattes anymore.  Just a big fuck ass shit game, that's all it turned out to be. You turn around and act like it's not even happening, like the years didn't mean anything.  Show the other people that we are ok, that we are separating and that we're all buddy buddy, fuck no, I'm tired of it.  I'm sick of just being the nice guy who tries to make myself believe that it's allright and that it's all going to be fine.  Fuck no.
I started off feeling like I was the guy standing in front of a damn thats got a million fucking holes and I don't have enough fingers to stop all the leaks and then I put my back against it until I get too tired to keep holding it up, my back hurts, my legs hurt, my stomach hurts and its not stopping the water so I finally decide to let it out, to let all the water out.  This it is, its out.
I'm done with it all and I don't care if it matters to anyone at all, I just need to get it out and if nobody reads this then nobody fucking reads this.  I really don't give a great big fuck about any of it anymore it just needs to come out.
It's that Live video with the water running down the street and washing the band away, its the line about the thunder crashing and the dolphins swimming and I realize now that I don't need to swear as much but it just felt like I had to start it like that and that it's just running on and I don't know when I feel like its going to be done but I'll know and then I can post this and finally sleep good because that weight will be gone.  It will be off my shoulders and done with.  Atlas Shrugged and dropped his weight, the weight of the world and its done with.
If you care you don't sneak around and lie about it.  You don't act like it never happened and that its all roses and fucking sunshine in the end.  You don't separate and think its all going to be acting like brothers and sisters and fucking sing song band and happy times.  It doesn't work like that and it is false as a fucking television commercial.  It doesn't mean anything cause its all still there, it's all still sitting there on a back shelf in an old dusty store room and someone things about it long enough to dust it off and open that little wooden box its in.  They peek at it and remember why they put it there, in the vey back, in that little box and why they said they'd never look at it again but they do and each time they do they say they won't ever do it again but sometime they will just to remind themselves that they shouldn't look at it again.
That's what it all is, that's what all this shit is about, you can't erase that.  Its doesn't go away and you can say sorry a hundred thousand times but it doesn't ever go away.  You can't take back memories, if you didn't want those memories to happen then you wouldn't have made the moves you did.  That's it, that's what it is.  Its the bad memories, you regret it but you knew it was going to be bad to begin with, sometimes you can see that bad memory coming a hundred thousand days away, you can see its ugly face and its toothless grin but you still go and make it, you let it exist and it doest ever want to be forgotten, its always going to appear.  The box will always be there.

I have said my peace <---intentional

R