A new motivation

I woke up this morning and for some reason I've got a huge desire to write, something longer than a couple of pages.  I feels like I want to write something up in the range of a book chapter.  I really can't explain it at all and there isn't a specific topic that I feel the chapter would be about but I think that it could me a move toward getting back to regular writing and getting back to Moderating in the writing group that I'm part of.

Writing is strange like that.  There are times when you really don't feel like doing anything, you just want to sit and consider but not actually do any writing.  There are times when writing a few sentences or a page will suffice and you're set for the day then, like this, there are times when you feel like you could write an entire book and then just keep it running on.  It's very much a tide, it comes in and goes out, is strong at times and is weak at others.
I don't know what it is I'm going to end up writing about but I do know that it will probably continue wanting to be written, which is fine by me.

Off to the writing desk, which is actually my computer desk, which is where I'm sitting already anyway.
Yeah...

Peace,

ClX

How now unused cow

This is where I'm supposed to say that I've run back to my writing group and have become an incredibly productive member, helping others with my great insight and wisdom while providing solid work to back up my pursuits of being a semi-accomplished writer.
Well I haven't done any of that, not really.
I've checked in with the writing group here and there, even had to induct a new member or two but beyond that I've not posted anything of significance there in a while still.
I have been writing though, in my writing journal.  I've churned out some personal dialogue that is masquerading as something far larger and grander.  Part of me feels that I'm missing the mark with what my writing is supposed to be.  I've normally written horror/sci-fi type works, some off beat humor here and there but for the most part the horror/sci-fi was where I was.  Now I'm finding that with my recent life experiences I'm falling more in the direction of Spiritual.  Not that I'm complaining, I think there might be a good marriage between my past genres and the current one that I've been sidling into that could produce some very interesting and very heavy works.
I have a little time off tomorrow and then late next week that I will work on getting some production value into what I've been thinking.
Might as well test the waters to see if there is anything down there that I can drill for.

I wish I had more to write about but with my own writing drive going through a near dry spell I'm hard pressed to come up with more things to talk about when it comes to my own writing journeys.

Peace,

ClX

Struck with an Idea

I'm still sitting around with the 'intention' of writing some great and epic work of art that will make the collective eyes of the world bleed.  I seem to really be good at the procrastination thing and finding other things to do to put off what it is that I want to accomplish.  I think that I'm going to have to take a tough love approach to this and force myself to sit down and write, no other way around it.
My life is in a position where I'm going to have to put myself into the work or perish, at least that is the way I feel about it.  My job, though wonderful, isn't nearly enough to pay for what I need and what my son needs.  Making $10/hour is less than respectable considering what it is that I actually do.  It's where I am in my life though and if I want to make a change then I'm going to have the instigate the change myself, it's not just going to happen overnight.
I looked into other jobs this afternoon and quickly realized that there is scare little out there and what there is wouldn't put me in any better position than what I'm already in.  At least where I am I'm comfortable and am able to work with the schedule that I get.  I feel its now a matter of sleep when I can, work at night and do some writing in any and all free time that I get.

An idea that was brought up to me, totally by coincidence and without the other person even knowing that I had been thinking about ways to push myself into novel writing, was to write a chapter and post it online, on the blog.  I have a link to Brandon Sanderson on the side, this is something that he did.  Now even though his blog is listed on my side links its not actually a site I tend to visit very often.  Andrew, one of the guys I work with, on the other hand tends to visit it on a regular basis and this is something that Brandon did with one of his novels.  He posted the chapters as he wrote them.  He posted the rough drafts, then he posted the revised copies of the chapters all the way through until the completed version was put up for download.  I understand the fact that no money was made, in that way, by what he did but it did allow people to take a genuine look at the process as well as feel as if they were involved in the writing of the book that he was working on.  I think it is a maginifecent idea and one that I think I will give a shot to in the near future.  To line up with this there is a new project up in the writing group that I'm part of, to write the first chapter to a novel that you would someday like to write.  I honestly think that this is a hefty push by the universe to motivate me into writing something longer than a short story.
Now I just need to come up with an idea that I feel is able to be pushed, pulled and expanded to reach novel proportions.

Peace,

ClX

Why am I avoiding writing?

I have done some writing in the last little while but nothing that I can truly say was a 'good effort' and to tell you the truth I'm not totally sure why that is.
I know with what I've recently come into, being a single father and all, I have been under a decent amount of stress to not warrant wanting to write.  At the same time though I've always enjoyed writing I just don't have the motivation to keep a steady pace of it up.
I have the internet now so its not like I can't get onto my Writing Workshop on Gaia and pick the string back up where I left it.  I know I'm always welcome back there and that the would be more than ecstatic to have me back for the writing and crit abilities and my Moderator position.

So why am I avoiding it?
I can blame it on writers block but truthfully I don't feel blocked.  I don't feel that my imagination has been properly exercised in a little while and that I may be a bit rusty as far as Free Fall Writing goes.  I don't have the drive or the motivation to keep myself going at it.  I love writing and I know that I'm good at it, I know that I can be tons better if I kept it up and kept working at what I am doing and what I am able to create.

Why am I not motivated to write?
A good question that I don't really know if I know the answer to.  Maybe I'm afraid of actually accomplishing something.
Then what?
So I accomplish something and then I have to follow it up with accomplishing something else and then something after that.  It's like walking, once you start you really can't stop it, you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, eventually you end up somewhere in the world.

Am I justified in being scared to write?
No.  Simply no.
I have talent, I have ability, I have the imagination and the creativity to create.
I don't use it because I am scared to be good, one of the best perhaps, at something.  That I will be a standard that other people are measured against.

Is that something to be scared of?
It's not.  I shouldn't be scared or afraid to be good.  I shouldn't shy away from sharing what I can and know I can do with other people in the world.
This is going to be an obstacle for me, I know it is and I'm going to have to remind my self on a regular, perhaps daily basis, that I can do this and that I can make myself wonderful in the world of writers and authors.

Peace,

ClX

A few days away

I've been gone for a few days.  The process of moving, the setting up a new apartment, the transitioning of life from being married to being single.  It's actually quite a process that I took for granted on several levels before I had to do it entirely on my own.

Have I written anything in the last few days that I've been away?
Kinda.
I've done a little writing here and there.  There was something that I just did that I think is going to be a tremendous push for myself and the new life that I am involved in.  I've created a second blog Diary of a Single Father, I'll post the link for it over in the side column.  The idea behind the second blog is to explore the life that a single father leads.  If I am able to I want to push the boundaries of what a single parent actually is by going into depth on the blog, finding similarities and differences between single fathers and single mothers, what they are going through and the things they fear and face.

Why am I doing a blog about being a single father?
There are a number of reasons.  For me the one the keeps coming up is that there is not enough information about being a single father.
You come across stuff about being a single parent, in the end that single parent, in most texts, turns out to be a single mother, the single father being a foot note as something that happens also but is a rare occurrence (like the Toxic Avenger).  I want to push something out into the world (a man baby) that someone that identifies with me can come along, find, read and say that sounds a lot (or a bit) like me and I think that I can take what he's saying/writing and use it in my life.

I'm going to keep this blog going as well, as identified before this is dealing with the writing side of my life so there is going to be some cross-over with this and my other blog since...well I have to write the other blog, as well as continue working on my short stories and other aspects of writing.

There is more re-working that I have to do with this blog still.  I'm not happy with how the layout was left, so I'm going to need to figure out exactly what I'm doing with it and get it done.  Thankfully I have some vacation coming up in the next week so I can sit and really ponder what I'm trying to make this blog look like, and come up with some visual ideas for my second blog as well.

Take a moment to check out my second blog over on the side, I've only got the opening post up but I think it's a good start.

Peace,

ClX

To a Halt

For the moment a lot of stuff I've been working on has ground to a halt largely due to the fact that I'm very close to moving.  With a little luck I should be able to get the keys today from the property manager and then I can start moving my stuff in.  I don't intend to get it all moved in immediately, it's going to be a few days at least before its all good to go.
With that said I do feel bad that I've not actually written anything as far as creative writing goes and even for the last few days neglected the blog.  I'm at a stance where I feel that everyday I should be doing one or the other.  With the recent lack of writing on my part I've let a lot of time pass with no action in the Gaia writing group I'm part of and as a Moderator of the group I'm beginning to feel like, at the moment, I'm mostly just there for the title, which is not the actual case.
Re-prioritizing my life after the move is going to be the first thing that I do and none to soon, I really want to look at redirecting myself back into creative practices, that's where I've always excelled and the more I push myself in that regard I find the more I am able to expand on what I do at work and in other areas of my life.  I'm also very intent on getting my little guy to open up creatively as well, I've noticed sparks in him here and there with his imagination and I want him to let that out.  He's already shown that he's above where he needs to be for reading, now I want him to start taking steps in other directions, find things that he really loves doing and then let that aspect run wild.

Not much of an update I know, that's how it is at this point, just keeping lines out here and there so that the world doesn't think that I've dematerialized.

Peace,

ClX

The changes so far

At this point I'm still working on the changes for the blog.  As you can see the title of the blog has changed as well as the background.
With the background I'm still not totally happy, I feel it's closer to what I want but that its still not there yet so I'm still going to be working on it and along with that the rest of the windows as I'm unsure how I want them to look in the end.
I'm very happy with the title it has several meanings, it can be taken literally...my life In words...meaning my life as I write it.  It can be taken as...my life In words...meaning my life inside the words I write (oh yea that's deep).  It can also be taken as...my life In words...meaning my inward journey through writing (even deeper, oh yea).  Multiple meanings all interconnected and holistic in the end, I like it.

Speaking of Holistic I've started reading the second Dirk Gently novel from Douglas Adams and currently I'm on the fence about it.  I'm only 5 chapters in so still not very deep into it, though its not a long book so 5 chapters really is more significant than it seems.  I loved the first book 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency' was very clever and interesting and very enjoyable.  This one I'm not so sure about.  I'll continue reading it and have no doubt that I'll finish it, that's not the problem its not unreadable at all.  I think what the difference is here is that in this one Dirk is his own character, he is the focus character and you get his internal dialogue and thoughts, something that was missing from the last one, he was not the lead character though he was the character that did all the leading in the end he was primarily the guy who did all the solving but you never learned anything deeper about him other than what the main characters knew about him before he named himself Dirk Gently.
I want to like this book more than I do at this point but maybe as I get deeper into the book I'll change my mind about it.

Something I find I'm starting to pick up while working on this blog is CSS script.  With the use of Firebug I'm becoming more and more used to looking at and deciphering CSS Script.  I knew HTML pretty good back in highschool and used it to design web pages on various sites and though HTML is still practical to a small degree it's becoming less and less advantageous though still usefull simply by the fact that it helps you work out some of what you are seeing when you look at CSS code that blogger/blog spot templates use.  Nothing wrong with picking up a new language, a new computer language...lol...hrm I may have to get that looked into.

Peace,

ClX