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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Why am I avoiding writing?

I have done some writing in the last little while but nothing that I can truly say was a 'good effort' and to tell you the truth I'm not totally sure why that is.
I know with what I've recently come into, being a single father and all, I have been under a decent amount of stress to not warrant wanting to write.  At the same time though I've always enjoyed writing I just don't have the motivation to keep a steady pace of it up.
I have the internet now so its not like I can't get onto my Writing Workshop on Gaia and pick the string back up where I left it.  I know I'm always welcome back there and that the would be more than ecstatic to have me back for the writing and crit abilities and my Moderator position.

So why am I avoiding it?
I can blame it on writers block but truthfully I don't feel blocked.  I don't feel that my imagination has been properly exercised in a little while and that I may be a bit rusty as far as Free Fall Writing goes.  I don't have the drive or the motivation to keep myself going at it.  I love writing and I know that I'm good at it, I know that I can be tons better if I kept it up and kept working at what I am doing and what I am able to create.

Why am I not motivated to write?
A good question that I don't really know if I know the answer to.  Maybe I'm afraid of actually accomplishing something.
Then what?
So I accomplish something and then I have to follow it up with accomplishing something else and then something after that.  It's like walking, once you start you really can't stop it, you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, eventually you end up somewhere in the world.

Am I justified in being scared to write?
No.  Simply no.
I have talent, I have ability, I have the imagination and the creativity to create.
I don't use it because I am scared to be good, one of the best perhaps, at something.  That I will be a standard that other people are measured against.

Is that something to be scared of?
It's not.  I shouldn't be scared or afraid to be good.  I shouldn't shy away from sharing what I can and know I can do with other people in the world.
This is going to be an obstacle for me, I know it is and I'm going to have to remind my self on a regular, perhaps daily basis, that I can do this and that I can make myself wonderful in the world of writers and authors.

Peace,

ClX


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